Black and White

I remember
how I reached the point of no return
the day that bitter coffee
decided to stop working for me

Maybe I needed to feel once more
how it felt to cradle lust,
frail as I betrayed my trust

Maybe I was destined for this-
a tattooed echo of lost surrender
trapped in a chamber
of forbidden secrets

dust and grainy photographs;
faded memories,
meant to tell this story-
that of me
and a man with a nameless face-

and of the pixels that formed
the fragile silhouette
of our bitter embrace

lesson learned.

Slowly, I try to drown these thoughts

no hurries, I own all the time I need

desperate for any sense of urgency

in removing the sense in you and me

neding to heal this heart so burned,

another painful lesson learned.

Far is where I find myself,

caged in empty walls of air

finding peace I long to earn,

another painful lesson learned.

there, out in the bright horizon

is the blue print for a sacred apology

the one I viewed but barely heard...

another painful lesson learned.

Circus

i feel

this inexplainable need

to escape

from what?
I ask my tired mind

I am cradled in silence
amidst the laughter
and pleasant echoes
of vibrant life

I still still,
waiting for the answer
that never arrives.

September (sonnet)

September enters and I'm still alone
My lips give flight to words that die unheard
I ask my soul to breathe as day begins
Pretending every minute doesn't hurt
At night I contemplate on your return
I fall asleep with memories that burn:
To hold forever not with compromise
The way you held my future in your eyes.
I fail to disenchant my fears away
I watch as numbness dance with all my pain
This game of hide and seek has gone too long
I find my solace trapped in Billy's song
I mourn, for things will never be the same
I call you, but instead, September came.




...

ode to the absent

I haven't met you
but I'm glad
that you're not here

I have to fall out of love
with being too alone

besides,
waiting gives me reason
not to want
to self-destruct.

and when you arrive,
my dreams will cease existing
only in blessed starlight,
painted upon the heavens
of pure abandon-
eagerly listless,
stagnantly drawn

languidly
I succumb to sleep's embrace
conscious that waking hours
are nothing more than destined steps
leading to the moment
when I'd be ready:
when, finally...
you will find me.

know for certain
that the future will never bring me fear
for it is the masterpiece
that cradles you.

you need not understand now
and I need not make it clear-

for now:

I'm grateful not to know you,
I'm glad that you're not here.

binary

tonight I must try harder
to soften this silent tone

free from all disguises
that I have learned to own

bring in the newest addition
to my growing collection-

a thousand lonely empty nights
of driving home alone.

Everytime the Night Forgets

the sky is a little bit darker
the air, a little bit colder
the world, a little rougher
at times when The Night forgets.

as helpless as I can be,

I struggle a little bit harder

desperately trying even my worst lies,
hoping to hold back the sea of tears
residing in my eyes -

yet I fail,
Every time The Night forgets.

and at the zenith,
the last piercing moment
that leads me to unbearable melancholy
I see your reflection in my tears-

and I remember You.

and in this sacred space
I cleanse myself of all that is ugly
in respect for the beauty of your memory

and I pray until all my tears are gone-
I forgive the world for moving on...

Every time The Night forgets.

incandescent

tonight
I bridge the distance
between us

tonight
I choose to recollect your pieces.

the air dances
in strong agreement

In understanding
it paints itself with hues of brilliant sepia
and I am encouraged
by its approval

I open the suitcase
where I've hidden your radiance
and I am invaded
by this army-
an intoxicating awareness
of what was once you,
and what was once
you and me.

an eye blinks
and we are one rainbow-

visibly
I become the invisible lines
that guard the secret fractals
of your seamless spectrum

an eye blinks

and you become the gentle rhythm
of a haunting heartbeat -
a lonely tone in desolation,
dazed
yet, never alone
for I've become the silence
entwined with your pulse
in an eternal embrace-

exactly what you find
when
once more

an eye blinks

and I am with you instantly:

you
this melancholic echo-
and me
the very spaces in-between
everytime that you repeat.

mime

I long to rest
the enchantment
that you have unknowingly
planted inside me

(a longing I dare not face)

I cannot help
but succumb to your rain
for it's hard to resist
when an innocent gaze
is all that it takes
to lure me in

and even though
you choose not to speak,
I need not ask
to satisfy my craving
for your story.

the windows
of your soul
betray you-
I see
your dark fairy tales,
(most of them, sad
all of them, beautiful) -

they roam,
flowing in
bittersweet grace -
enjoying resonance
inside the intensity
of your silent eyes

release

I own no words
none that can absorb
these tiny
bitter pixels
that scatter
as i exhale

I'm too weak
to command
the needed presence
of comforting words
here, in this
solemn
lonely room.

I've no words
to speak of the song
of my painful heart-

so
tonight,
this is my poem:

these drops
of sparkling tears
flowing
from my weary eyes.