Wednesday, June 30, 2010

Two Ghosts

I felt the first ghost a few days ago

while driving home,
I dreamt that I loved you
and we were happy.

It was my hand that you held
inside her skin
I felt your warmth through her eyes.

Some learn early in life
that you get what you need
and rarely what you want

I wanted to love you, and after all these years
I realized that I still do want to

but maybe loving you is not what we both needed.

And I see her laugh at what you've whispered in her ear
the way I used to, before I started running away.

...

Ghost number two I felt while cleaning my room
one usual, sleepless evening

I didn't really keep your photograph
I just can't seem to lose it

dropping from books and other crevices
whenever I release my room
from stagnant dust

a smiling portrait of you as a little child
an ageless smile so new inside the photo's oldness
inside my mind's own oldness
which doesn't really need reminding
because it never forgets.

I wrote you a song that you never heard
about how love cannot be faked
How true my lines were, now I'm not so certain
but the notes were as truthful as any truth I've known
and the proper words for it might come in time
in case the first one turns out to be a lie

maybe someday, in an imagined conversation
you'll let me know what this all means

and in my mind,
we can rest
knowing we both did what we can.